I’m going new-car shopping this weekend as part of the Lawler Family Tradition* where college graduates get a new car upon graduation. But before I talk about new cars, it’s important that I introduce my current car, affectionately termed “da hoe.”
She’s a 1996 Chevy Tahoe, and in some ways I love her. She’s huge, she’s moved half my friends, she’s DD’d all of my friends at once and in general she gets me from point A to point B.
However, in addition to negotiating for a strict 15 mpg, she demands fluids like oil and power steering fluid on a semi-weekly basis. She also refuses to fit in certain parking spaces and most parking garages, especially in Ann Arbor (where she once got stuck). She doesn’t like idling too much, and will stall during traffic jams. This trait alone has earned me more middle fingers than Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) could give all the reporters in the White House Press Corps.
Anyway, new car coming soon. I know I want to buy American, and I think Ford is my number one choice at this point. I want something kind of large, but at this point fuel efficiency is probably more important. Top candidates are the Ford Fiesta and the Escape, both of which come in crazy green I like. My dream car is unfortunately off the list, as its fuel efficiency doesn’t even rival da hoe’s.
Anyway, hope you fancied her after this introduction, and I promise to accept nominations for the naming of my new car as soon as I figure out what it will be.
* Note: not a real tradition